MORE COMMONLY ASKED QUESTIONS
swearing in your cartoons, why do your cartoons need to swear? Remember
that old saying that people use swear words because they are not intelligent
enough to think of a better word.
A: Strange, the most intelligent words that I can think of at
this moment are ... “F#%K” and “YOU”. That having been said, I want
to say that when the Klyde Morris cartoon was first slated to appear
in the Avion newspaper I asked, “What kind of words can I use?” I was
told, “...don’t use any words you wouldn’t want your mother to read”
and that has been the standard by which the cartoon has always been
written. Most of the bad words that are found in my cartoons are so
softcore that nearly every one can be found on prime time network television.
In fact there is only one word that I have used which cannot be found
in prime time network television. That word is “shit” and it is my opinion
that we should lobby the FCC to allow the use of the word “shit” over
the airwaves. After all, nearly everyone uses this word every day from
your child’s school teacher to your family doctor, so why not? Society
is in such a rapid state of moral decay that we are way beyond the simple
use of the word “shit.” Think of how much better the world would be
if everyone could freely say “shit.” We could get rid of the Steve Miller
band’s “funky kicks” version of “Big ol’ jet airliner” once and for
all. Also, rather than getting on television and blatantly telling lies
to millions of people about his latest scandal, Clinton could just step
up to the podium and look into the cameras and say, “My fellow Americans...
Q: Are you gonna be the
next Garry Trudeau?
A: You mean the guy
who married the first lady of media elite liberals, then sold his soul
to the D.N.C. and allowed the edge to drop from his work until the only
difference between him and Charles Schultz was their location on the
page? Quick, someone call Dr. Kevorkian and spare me Trudeau’s agony.
The next Trudeau... I think not!
Q: Are you just out to
piss everybody off?
A: So many self-important blow-hards... so little time.
Q: That cartoon series
about Klyde doing the United Airlines pilot’s interview was dead on
target. You must have been through the “ego rape” which is so loosely
called the UAL pilot’s interview process.
Q: I saw your cartoons about the United interview, and that’s
exactly what I went through there! It was the worst experience of my
A: The cartoon (Klyde Morris 7/26/99,
and 8/16/99) was based
on the accounts of that process that I have heard told time and again
by the poor slobs who have been flown to Denver, abused, discouraged
and then sent home. Every time that you hear that story it is exactly
the same, so writing a cartoon series that was “dead on” while having
never been through the process myself was more than easy.
Q: Someone told me that
you are really hard on editors. Is it true that once while you were
on the newspaper staff in college you stabbed one of your newspaper
editors in the throat with your pen?
A: That is incorrect, and a better rumor would be one that said
that the poor fellow was choking on something that I had written and
I was simply trying to perform an emergency tracheotomy on him with
Q: I’ve seen a button on
the Klyde site for “Klyde’s Forum” but it doesn’t work. What’s that
A: I want to have a place on the web site where folks can voice
opinions, no matter how off-base, freely and then allow others to respond
all without censorship. This feature is under construction at this time.
Q: I read all of your
web site in one sitting, but when I looked at the clock I saw that it
was a quarter to four in the morning and I’d been up all night.
A: You mean that time and space did not stop when you clicked
into the web site? Hummm, well just go back to the exact moment and
place where you started and try again... if all does not stop the next
time you get your money back.
Q: I’ve looked at your
cartoons, and I think that you must really hate your university to write
so much stuff.
A: Read ‘em again. You will see that I actually have a great
love for Embry-Riddle. I got my education there, my flight training
there, most of my friends are from there, I met my wife there, I was
married there, and the place was my hometown for a decade. If you cut
me I bleed ERAU... read ‘em again and this time actually think while
your eyes move.
Q: I took a tour of your
web site. It brought back memories. Of course I still have the Klyde
Morris book in print form. My kids read it, but the humor was lost on
A: It is better to let you kids read my stuff and see the word
“shit” then let them view cartoons such as “Kathy” or “Captain Planet”
where they are actually fed “shit.”
Q: ...today in Aerodynamics
class, my professor started going off on a tangent about how things
“used to be” at this school, (Embry-Riddle), and referred the whole
class to this (klydemorris.com)
A: Amazing, they teach klydemorris.com in the university’s classrooms,
but both Alumni Relations and the university’s Public Relations department
refuse to mention it in any publication.
Q: Is it true that you
have a six foot tall Klyde painted on the sub-floor of your new home
and it is now covered up with the living room carpet?
A: Not true... the Klyde is seven feet
Q: I liked Star Ant the
best, mainly because it is an on-going story, rather than situations
or snippets of a story. It would be nice to have some kind of insignia,
tattoo , or birthmark... to distinguish Klyde from other ants. It’s
obvious from context but...
A tattoo?! On Klyde Morris?? Where would I put it????
Q: So glad to see Klyde
Morris on the web... I always admired the way you didn’t conform to
everyone else’s way of thinking.
A: Not everyone shares your view, some of those who have had
the frustrating experience of holding the position of “manager” over
me for example. A non-conformist can draw a lot of heat.
Q: You must have a real
problem with authority figures.
A: If used smartly, humor trumps authority- every time.
Q: ...I just toured your web
site... Your strip rivals my all time favorite, Calvin & Hobbes.
A: There are some comments that I take seriously as an absolute compliment,
and a favorable comparison with Calvin & Hobbes is one of them- Thank you,
I am seriously, and honestly flattered.
Q: Why don't you have any girl
A: My standard answer was "I don't draw them well", but
actually the truth is a long story.
Back to the
first page of Questions